I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
