Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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