the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
