Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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