I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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