____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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