I accidentally burped into my bong.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
