i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize