it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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