I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He did a backflip because drugs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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