She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
