i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
