The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
