we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my shit smells like andre
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
