yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
