so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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