I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
