after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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