I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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