I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
