I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
