I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
