it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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