i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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