Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
