Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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