So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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