Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
