I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
