The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
