And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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