so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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