You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
