No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
