I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
