I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize