hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
