If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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