Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
