It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
