On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
