no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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