Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
