did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
