Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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