Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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