While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
