im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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