is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
