You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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