I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need a beard to bite.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
