**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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