Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
