filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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