If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
