thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My life is pants optional.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
