We named our party play list daddy issues
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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