You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
