My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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