I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You're like the curious george of whores
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
