My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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