Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
