I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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