I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
