he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
