Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish i was in the wii world.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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