You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
