the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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