You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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