you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
