you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
