Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
All the doctor said was why
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
