I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
