chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
