Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
