If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
